Midwinter Solstice 2017- Lessons from the dark

I was going to put the ‘Yule’ chapter of my Wheel of the Year series as this festival’s entry, but it needs one hell of a re-write and, quite frankly, I’m not in the mood to rewrite pages of material.

Thursday marked the Winter Solstice and it was a dark, damp cloudy day. I was inspired! I wrote a piece for all my friends in Facebook land, I like to spread hope where I can.

Light, dark, balance is what counts. Lean too much towards the former and we see everything with rose-tinted glasses. There is no wrong in the world. Ignorance is bliss. Lean too much towards the latter and, well, there is everything wrong with the world.

I managed to get out of the house to take a walk in Highfields Park, just outside of Beeston, Notts. Although by the time I got there, the sun had already set and dusk would soon give way to night. This reminded me of the Owl card that I had drawn at the beginning of 2017. The concept of ‘Owl Time‘ was not lost on me.

Realising I was rushing through. I stopped and took in 9 deep breaths and closing my eyes. After that, I heard the sound of something in the lake. I turned and found a whole group of ducks swimming by the side of the man in the wheelchair being pushed by another. The ducks recognised him and were expecting to be fed…. their disappointment was evident when they started waddling along the embankment and quacking amongst themselves. A black bird with a white bill and stripe on its forehead ‘Pinged’ at the ducks. The scene was reminiscent of a uniformed official trying to keep order of loud football fans and the fans ignoring him as they pass him by.

Later, as I walked, it was getting darker but I could see to my right two white specks moving uphill. Two hares making their way. Do hares hibernate? I didn’t think so.

I went onto the small island where, surrounded by six tall Yew trees, I performed my ‘Five Senses Meditation’. By now it was dark and yet through the clouds, I could see cracks of a lighter sky. Night had not yet fallen.

Going to the lakeside, I made sure I wasn’t giving a false impression to the ducks (no snacks from this two-legged who didn’t think to bring munchies for the birds), bent down toward the water and held my right hand over the surface. Here, I gave my respects to the Lady of the Lake. When I was done, my hand was warm. And it was time to go home to perform my Ovate ceremony to greet the Solstice.

On my way home, I could see a clearing in the clouds getting larger until I reached my front door and the clearing revealed the sky as a teal-greeny-blue, right on the clock as the Solstice begun.

I came away from the park with these two lessons:

The importance of stillness.

There is always life, both in winter and the dark.

And as I was performing my personal ceremony, I was taken by Awen as I said out aloud and made the following observations :

In the dark, there is rest.

In the dark, there is the hidden.

In the dark, there is fear.

With fear, you can either run, do nothing, or take a stand.

Sometimes we must run, there is nothing wrong with a tactical retreat to fight another day. Sometimes we can do nothing but let the threat pass over. But there comes a time when we cannot run and we cannot do nothing and we must make a stand.

I said out aloud my fear and decided to take it on with the lesson I have gained from this year: Nothing is Accomplished Without Action. It was then the candle was lit.

Sure enough, the day after the Solstice was bright, the sky was clear and the sun shone with brilliance.

Merry Yuletide, one and all!

A Triad I Created

Three things that keep me going: 

Hope, friendliness and appreciation of beauty in the world around me. 

Derby Sunrise by Locksley2010

Summer’s End

Low our Sun gazes,

Yet the light still blinds.
Fruit falls scattered,

Berries ripen brightly;

Goose wedge journeys begin.
Lazy haze spell is broken,

A clammy chill grasps all.
Quickly our moon blinks;

And like the night, the shadows lengthen.

Spreading the Inner Flame, a prayer.

This was a little something I devised myself.  Back in 2013 when I reconnected with fire, I realised I had missed meditating by candle light.

You can do this for yourself, for your gods (if any) your spirits (ditto), the middle bit is optional, or for whatever you feel….

Mdima Glass, photo by Locksley2010

“I light this fire,
This flame,
This candle.

For my Gods,
For my ancestors,
For the spirits around me.

May my inner fire warm me,
May my inner light guide me,
May my inner flame inspire me.”

Wisdom or Cliché?

Image of Temple of Apollo from gtp.gr

I recently read a blog writing about two phrases that are often parroted in modern Pagan writings.  I first came across these in my early and mid twenties and was interested by one and confused by the other. You will have come across these many times, they might mean something to you or they won’t.  But if you’ve read any blogs or books, magazines about Paganism, Occultism, New Age Philosophy, you will have encountered them:

“Know Thy Self”

And…

” As Above, So Below”

I looked at them and thought to myself ‘Wow, are we still using those?” I’ll admit to being a bit jaded when I see those quotes.  It’s not so much that I don’t like them, but feel that they are often over used in forums and articles alike.  Y’know? Like a really good song with too much air time.

What I do like about them is that for those who first come across them, they are inspirational! I mean ‘Know Thy Self’ Man! That’s deep! The phrase from the Temple of Apollo in Delphi (Used as a sign in the kitchen of the Oracle in The Matrix- Oracle of Delphi- gettit?) That challenges YOU to KNOW who YOU are.  Yet how many of us do?
How many of us look at that phrase and actually, really examine ourselves? We are complicated meat-bags walking around with emotions and thoughts, feelings and beliefs.  But how many of ourselves actually know ourselves?

To know yourself is to know where you come from: your background, your childhood, your parents or guardians, the environment you came from, the education you received (and what it did or didn’t do for you), the beliefs you found or were indoctrinated with.

If you believe in anything, to know yourself is to challenge what those beliefs are to you, constantly.  How did you come to those beliefs, how did they shape you? Did you come by them yourself or were you taught? What do they mean to you now? Are they applicable to who you are anymore?

To know yourself is to see all your strong points and accept them.  It is to also know what your weak points are and accept them too.  And if you don’t like them, what do you need to do to change them?  What are your limits? Why do you dislike something? What inspires you? What do you dream?

To know your self is to be completely honest with yourself.  It’s no good if all you are doing is painting an image of the person you want to be or the person you are not.

Deep huh?

One of the things I love about studying the Bardic course in the OBOD Gwers is that you learn to know yourself before you can proceed to the Ovate and Druid grades.  Because how can you explore the deeper mysteries if you don’t understand the deepest of mysteries…. You.

And then we go onto: “As Above, So Below” When I first saw that I eloquently came out with: ‘What the fuck does that even mean?’
This only made sense to me if you look at it in terms of the weather: rain makes things wet or floods.  Snow clouds making the ground whiter and whiter, a sunny day makes for dry land and thriving plants, etc….
This phrase apparently comes from the writings of Hermes Trismegistus and even then is supposedly part of what he wrote:

“That which is Below corresponds to that which is Above, and that which is Above corresponds to that which is Below, to accomplish the miracle of the One Thing“*

Yes, I’m quoting Wikipedia but only because it provides the source of that translation.
I’d love to know more about that and also about to what Trismegistus meant by the ‘One Thing’. Creation? Life on Earth? Ponder, ponder ponder……
It’s an absolute wonder that our planet generates its own electromagnetic field to protect its multitude of life forms from the solar radiation of our Sun.  From the collection of dust and rock of the ‘Above’ has the ‘Below’ been created.

I’m sure there are very deep insights you can gain from either quote and when used for inspiration they do exactly that.

Writing this post, I am very aware that I have indeed just created another article featuring both phrases.  Well at least I didn’t mention ‘Microcosm’/’Macrocosm’…… Doh!

* https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hermeticism

Mash up poetry ‘The Journey’

The Journey

I look back at where lead me here.
The pain, the joy, the sadness, the gladness.

Days and nights gone by, now is instantly the past. The future rushes forward in hope and wonder.

I close my eyes, and breathe it in; each breath, each heartbeat a waypoint. 
In a life well lived?

Achievements? 
A million memories made!
Though as many chances squandered, moments wasted. 
In pondering, I waste a few more.

The door behind has been slammed, a thunder in my chest as I cannot go back.

I stand facing the shapeless abyss which is tomorrow, now is the shifting shingle beneath my feet.

With raised arms, and raised voice I scream into the void…
but the future can’t yet echo back.

And as I look back,
away it fades into the seas of memory.
To stay here will be to be caught in nostalgia’s cobweb.

Looking forward there is a glimmer of hope beyond the abyss.
A leap of faith is all between what remains of now and what is to come.

                            ***
It’s not often I post poetry, I think I have done on the Grove of the Corieltauvi blog, but I wanted to share this one.

I didn’t write all of it either.  As the title suggests, the poem is a mash up of my words and those of my good friend (and influence… Although good or bad remains to be seen… It was her party I decided to break myself and develop a close relationship with the mouthpiece to the Porcelain God), Cludgie.

I met Cludgie at the Am Dram group I’ve just recently finished a play with.  She told me she’d wanted to get back into writing poetry and asked if it was a good idea to start entering competitions.  Being the honest sort, I looked at her work and told her “Hell yes!”

The mash up was her idea and we discussed entering it onto a poetry forum, so I thought if Cludgie puts it on there, I can put it on here.  I’m rather pleased with the result and am putting it on here for the benefit of our collaboration.

The Awen strikes in many ways, and just goes to prove it can happen to everyone, not just us Druids (we just gave it a name).

I Love You

  Not quite a poem, just a collection of words:

I love you enough to see you,
I love you enough to hear you,
I love you enough to listen to your woes,
I love you enough to laugh with you,
I love you enough to care for you,
I love you you enough to give up everything I have for you,
I love you enough to accept you,
I love you enough to say Yes,
I love you enough to say no,
I love you enough to let you go,
I love you enough put you to Sleep,
I love you enough to say goodbye,
I love you enough to cry for you,
I love you enough to open up,
I love you enough to dare,
I love you enough to let you in,
I love you enough to give you a chance
I love you enough to love again.

This came to me during the LBE in my Bardic Grove.  I had prayed to my Goddesses, ancestors and spirits for strength in my spirit and healing in my soul.  I’m guessing the Awen struck because I had to write it down.
Part inspired by a conversation with Dumbledore and his daughter telling him ‘Its all about love’ and wondering about all the painful bits in love.  And part about accepting people for who they are, the break up with me and Pipes, saying goodbye to my cat (something I’m still dealing with) and beginning a new relationship with River.  But really, those words can apply to everyone. 

Deep Questions pt.1 – ‘Why Druidry?’

It has been three weeks since the Centre For Pagan Studies conference ‘A Day For Patricia Crowther’.  I had been asked to co-host and spent the day pretty much being a nervous wreck (I think I covered it up OK).  I’m not used to performing as myself, I’m more of a costume and character kind of guy.

So I took my first beer of the day, at the end of the event, with the utmost glee.
Afterwards, we went to the ‘Gooseberry Bush’ for drinks and I managed to catch up with some friends of mine I hadn’t seen for a long while.  I was chatting with my friend Daniel and from the Newark Home & Hearth Pagan Group: The Nathans, Heidi and Helen.

I love debate, especially when questions are brought up that allow me to really think about what and why I do the things I do:

‘So, why Druidry?’
Why indeed.  Why would I follow a philosophy/ spirituality that conjures up images of long haired bearded men cutting off mistletoe at the Winter Solstice with a golden sickle (Thanks Pliny, thanks a lot!).
Why would I use a system that can claim only to be at least 3-400 years old in maturation?

The quick answer: Because it feels right.

There you go, that’s it.  What’s that? You want more? But that’s the basis of it all, that’s the Truth (and classical Druidry was all about Truth).  It is the flavour of spirituality and Paganism that resonates the most with me.

OK, here is how:

Since my childhood, I was always interested in the paranormal, ghosts, mysteries of the unexplained and UFO’s the lot (and scared of them too).  There were two books that were a main influence: ‘Folk Tales and Superstitions‘ by S.O. Addy, my first ever glimpse into Antiquarianism and folk lore of local areas.  The other was ‘Strange South Yorkshire: Myths and Magic in the Valley of the Don’. By David Clarke
(influenced, in turn, by the former).
In that book, I first encountered a brief description of the Celtic tribe known as the Brigantes, whom had dominated what was to become part of the North of England (The Brigantes dominated what is now Northumberland to South Yorkshire, approximately).
  Since then, my interest in Paganism had always been attracted to the Celtic flavour rather than say, Anglo-Saxon, Norse or Traditional British Witchcraft.
  It is the pull of the gods in the hills and trees as well as the goddesses of the waters I feel drawn to as well as the glory of our Sun and the beauty of our Moon.

I would never go so far as to say I am a follower of the ‘Old Celtic Ways’ neither am I a Celtic revivalist.  But the gods that speak to me, the ones that inspire me and guide me do belong to those people who are nowadays known as ‘Celts’.  And the Celts had Druids.  It is debatable as to what they really were, Priests? Surgeons? Poets? The intelligentsia of their people, a combination of all of these?
The one thing I really like about Modern Druidry, especially in OBOD, is that it doesn’t pretend to be a direct descendent of classical Druidry, although some can claim to trace a vague lineage at best.  A Druid nowadays would be vastly different from a Druid from 2500 years ago.

Ergo, in my belief in that I connect with the Old Gods of Britain herself, yes I use the Irish names for them individually, but the similarities between the gods of the ‘Isle of the Mighty’ and the ‘Isle of Destiny’ are there, linguistically and in character.  Danu, for instance is ‘Don’ in Britain, the Mother Goddess herself.  I write about this in the ‘A Message‘ post.

So when I learned there were modern Druids, I originally scoffed at the idea, how can that be when they are dead?

It wasn’t until I came across the book ‘The Druid Renaissance‘ and was brought to tears with a chapter about connecting with the Land that I thought, maybe this modern Druid stuff is more than just a ‘Druid flavoured witchcraft thing’.  And yes.  Yes it is.
Since studying and practicing Druidry I have faced parts of myself I am not proud of, I have admitted to myself where I am wrong and have done wrong.  Through connecting with my Bardic Self, I have reconnected with the flame of creativity within.  I have begun to reconnect with the actor/storyteller I have denied myself for these past seven years… and connecting with them yet again feels right.

The aim of Druidry in both the classical and modern sense is the encouraging of Awen or Imbas, the divine spark of inspiration.  If this comes with my performing self, then that is my path.
And if Druidry is the seeking of Awen, then that is why it it feels right for me.

I did also discuss about looking to Druidry to help me connect with the spiritual source of these lands.  I’ll go more into detail about that in part 3.

Awen photo supplied by Martin Eddy… 2mins ago!

Imbolc lessons…

I write this now after coming in from the cold and the wind.  I’ve just eaten yesterday’s leftovers of my homemade carbonara and a fresh mug if tea at the ready.

Its been a trying day today.

Today is Imbolc, from the old Irish for ‘parturition’ (birthing), it is the feast day of Brighid and the beginning of the end of winter as well as the start of lambing season.

Brighid is the goddess of poetry, smithing, healing, midwifery, magic and divination.  There is a well named in the honour of St. Brigid which echoes back to the old Celtic way of naming rivers and lakes after a deity.

I booked the day off especially so I could create a ceremony for my allotment group, here in Nottingham.
Only three of us could make it, which didn’t cause a problem.  When calling quarters, we could call upon land, rain and sky instead of the usual four.

I had it all planned out:
1: Build a fire
2: Call for blessings from the three realms.
3: Give offerings to the allotment with what we wanted to contribute.
4:  Make the ceremony about connecting with our inner flame and waters of life.
5: Celebrate with tinfoil wrapped spuds warmed in the fire that we could enjoy with butter and homemade tuna mayonnaise and a flask of hot tea.

However, it appeared Brighid had plans of her own…

Our third member text me saying he had a stomach upset and thought being at our allotment was probably not the best place to be.

I text Pindsvin (Swedish for ‘hedgehog) the news and prepared my OBOD Elemental Weaving Ritual as a back up to do in case I was going to be the only one turn up.  My rucksack ready to burst, I was ready to go! Until the zip broke on my green fleece jacket.  So I threw it off, got my blue one (which is ready for washing), put my waterproof jacket over that, boots and bag on and my hat. Now I was ready to go!

I’d just left the house (an hour later than I would have liked) when I received Pindsvin’s text saying she’d be going, just a little later than planned.  No worries! It’ll just be us then.

On the way there I contemplated the Druid Plant Oracle card ‘The Banes’ when I asked that deck if performing the weaving ritual would be a good idea.  It is a card about taking control in a positive way and about receiving unexpected help or aid.  It appeared that with Pindsvin joining me she would be crucial to the original Imbolc ritual I had planned; I had no idea the card would be so prophetic.

Our allotment is huge.  The two newer parts to it are around the same size (approximately 70-80 square feet, each!).  The original part is for growing stuff, the second part is ritual area and the top part is, at the moment, cultivation zone.  We began with grabbing kindling in the form of birch twigs that had blown off and scattered.  We got some wood from the cultivation zone and snapped it to fit into the fire pit.  Today has been glorious with sunshine and lots of wind, so much wind that my hat kept blowing off and putting out our matches!  We spent at least an hour trying to light the fire.  I was getting annoyed, I’m normally good at this.  The wood was in the right place, as was the kindling including the cardboard I brought, but the wind kept blowing out the flame.  Pindsvin had the insight to start gathering dead dried leaves and stuffing it into the pile… the cardboard caught, the leaves caught… but the wind just kept blowing it out just before it was intense enough to light the birch twigs.  On and on this repeated, until the matches were all gone… it was a fresh new box!  I was very annoyed at this and even threw my lighter at the grass in a total paddy, snarling at the sky “D’you want a fucking ritual!?”
Pindsvin reassured me in saying that what if it just wasn’t a day for a fire? She was even all for leaving me alone to do my OBOD ritual if that’s what I wanted to do.  I told her I was disappointed and that I wanted this to be better (I was being a mardy arse at this point).  Then she said something.  Something that made me stop being a big baby: “Well, if you still want to do an Imbolc ritual, why don’t you do it in the Sunlight? The Sun is more powerful than a fire.” Genius!

Pindsvin looking ahead,
Picture by Locksley2010. 1/2/2014.

I looked to the growing ground and saw the clouds being pushed away by the wind to reveal gorgeous, golden sunlight.  The photo doesn’t do it justice.  My spirits were instantly lifted and I had a new energy as the ceremony would carry on, just without jacket potatoes warmed in a fire.  We got our things and went down to the seating area (where we used to do the ritual stuff before we had the official ritual area) and I improvised an offering bowl from the remains of an old mug that had come up from the topsoil movement.  We had an Imbolc ceremony and it went as thus:
1: We asked for the blessings of land, sky and rain and greeted them.
2: I said my Brighid’s prayer, asking for her blessings and inspirations.
3: We drank water from a flask, saluted Brighid, then I called this the ‘blessing of water’ ah, Brighid was giving inspiration!
4: We turned to the Sun and meditated on its light and warmth connecting with our inner fire. “Blessing of the Sky”.
5: For the “Blessing of the Land” we gave offerings. To the Guardian of the place, the Silver Birch, I gave honey and milk (supposedly traditional Druidic offerings), Pindsvin threw seeds for the birds to eat.
6: Any more to say: Pindsvin said she wanted to connect with the Smith aspect of Brighid, to go ahead and do stuff.
7: We said thank you to Brighid and the three realms.

And boy, did that feel good! Yes, similar principle to the original, but we totally winged it.  I never intended to work with the realms of sky, land and rain (normally sea, but we live in the mainland) as the actual structure of the ceremony, I’d like to think that was Brighid’s inspiration.

Pindsvin was indeed the unexpected aid and relief I needed today.  She performed her role admirably and had another revelation for me.  Her version of Brighid being a ‘Triple Goddess’ goes: Poet, Smith, Healer.  After the ceremony, she asked which of Brighid’s aspects did I want to work with this year.  I originally said Poet, as in the focus on my acting this year.  Pindsvin told me that I already have the inspiration for that, surely it was the doing it I needed. Agreed, I settled on Smith.

So there we are, a day that originally would have left me sulking at home instead of inspired (Awen/Imbas) and rejuvenated. 

As it was, I learned lessons today:

Things won’t go as planned.

Build a fire in a sheltered space and don’t burn all your matches.

When things piss you off, what are the gods trying to show you?

Help comes from the most unexpected of places, a friend, your environment, old pottery.

Get over yourself and go with the flow.

Brighid has three aspects: Poet, Smith and Healer… which one will you work with?