Tag Archives: realisation

A Triad I Created

Three things that keep me going: 

Hope, friendliness and appreciation of beauty in the world around me. 

Derby Sunrise by Locksley2010

Here be Dragons…

Earth Dragon, art by Bill Worthington.

Ah, 2016, I’ve been expecting you.

With all the strong winds we had this winter, I got the feeling that the winds of change had already arrived; eagerly pushing 2015 out of the way as if 2016 couldn’t wait to get here. 

2015 has been a busy year for me.  I got moved store (again) and have even taken steps to help me back on the road of acting.

Comparing to last year’s reading, how did things play out?

Venom: I lost my cat, Loki.  She was my companion, my little girl and my pain in the arse all at once. I had her put down after she was attacked by a Fox as her chances of survival were extremely slim.  Not a day goes by without me thinking of her. 

I broke the heart of my friend and fellow Grove mate, River.  I thought I was ready for a new relationship and after three months, realised I wasn’t.  So I ended it and hurt her badly.  Looking back on it, I see now that was what’s called a ‘rebound’.  We have spoken since and says she has forgiven me.  I wouldn’t say we are the friends we used to be, but at least we are civil now. 
  The venom was my broken heart and the lesson of Adder reversed is to use the poison that harms into one that cures.  Loki’s death reminded me of the savage side of Nature, it was a serious wound that was brought through the cycle of survival.  I think it would have been worse if I found her after getting run over by a car.
  As terrible as breaking up with River was, things happened in motion to change her life for the better, from what she told me, she has discovered Buddhism which has taught her to let go of the past and embrace the future. 
  I learned a lot about myself from this experience and now know who I am, as well as who I don’t want to be.

Honey: The card of Bee represents community, celebration and organisation.  2015 was a very social year for me, I am blessed with many friends wether it is my Grove, my housemate, my workmates, both my social and spiritual circles.  I even left Pagan Pride in an official capacity, in a good place. 
  With the Am Dram group, I bonded really well with my fellow cast and crew in the One-Acts of that summer.  I spent NYE with Cludgie’s family and mutual friends. It was Cludgie who gave me the final push to go for the role I auditioned for and got.  The director had previously asked if I’d be interested in reading for it and I thought of every reason not to.  I’m glad Cludgie talked me round.
Three major creative things happened this year too: me, Strider and Dumbledore got together and formed our storytelling group “Tales From the Fireside”, a separate venture from our Grove that was described by one event organiser as “I knew you’d be good, I didn’t expect you to be awesome”.
  The other was joining the Actors Workshop here in Notts.  Making some good friends and progress in my performing skills.
  And filming the Promo of Gallows Bait in Sherwood Forest, dressed as a proper highwayman for two days!

2015 was for me a year of discovery, having courage enough to do what it is I want to actually do (and sowing the seeds for it to happen) and being surrounded by wonderful people, old and new.  I also did a lot of guest speaking this year, touching on new subjects for me as well as revisiting old ones.

Dragons: I was quite hungover on New Year’s Day when I drew the card for 2016 and as soon as I saw what my focus for this year was, I said in my best George Takei voice: ‘Ohhh Myyyyyyy’ Earth Dragon or ‘Draig-Talamh’ is the card of accessing your inner potential, as well as recognising the potential in others. 
Here’s hoping 2016 will be a very productive year!

‘Into Darkness’…



Yep, I pretty much stole that title from the Star Trek movie.  Because its appropriate, Kirk and crew face their darkest mission, yet it’s about the beginning of exploring the great dark of space.

In my last post here, I wrote of how I interpreted a visual sight (not to mention all the cawing of those crows) as being a message from The Morrigan… I just didn’t know what it meant.

My good friend, Cristina, interpreted it as a message of ‘Transformation and regeneration… usually after a time of pain.  And War-Goddesses are also Goddesses of healing‘.

Today, I figured out the message!

On the OBOD Bardic course, I’ve been on Gwers #45 since April.  I tried out the Practicum in it when I was in Cyprus, but I more often than not kept falling asleep.  Today, I felt the urge to read it and do it again.  I answered the questions suggested with different answers to what I got the first time.  The exercise (no spoilers for my Bardic friends who will be reading this!) this time was a lot more productive.  I think the chunk of limestone on my diaphragm helped me NOT fall asleep this time.

My thoughts gave way to nothing…. and then the answer revealed itself like a statue being uncovered in the sea as the surf gives way to reveal a secret hidden in plain sight:

All of my life I’ve tried to force my hand to make things happen.  Tried to make my life into something to go my way.  In ways, it did and in ways it didn’t.  I mean it’s good to have a goal, but…. BUT… what about letting life give the opportunity?  What about letting life happen and when it presents you with an opportunity you then take it?  There’s a choice there: Stay on your present course and things will work out more or less as you expected.  Or take the opportunity and dare to let life take you somewhere new, somewhere unexpected.  Even if it doesn’t work out… you tried.

And so… this bit as I wrote it in my Bardic Journal, I KNEW was the answer to what the message was:

“In life we make our own way, we must take action.  But let life show you how, where and what.”

And as if to confirm my realisation as I wrote that down, there was a caw… then another… then a third! (I shit you not!) A young crow was on the roof as I was scribbling away out in the garden.  I laughed out to myself, to the crow, to the garden.  I got it!  To allow life to show you an opportunity, you need to take a moment of stillness, look into the dark (as in silence and withdrawal) and have faith.  It doesn’t matter if that faith is in yourself, faith in the Gods, or spirits or whatever… at least put your faith in Life.

I was happy with that and I accepted it… and in accepting, my regeneration and transformation begins.