June. That was the last month I wrote something in depth. I have managed to write something every month or so, albeit in the form of a poem, a saying, or even a prayer.
Actually, I don’t feel the need to write anything in depth. No examinations of what those legends may actually mean, no breaking down of Pagan concepts (Classical or Modern), no questioning of the values or ethics around us. In fact there are so many people reeling from the political victory of Brexit and Donald Trump, there are plenty already questioning the world around them….
Whereas my investigative flair has faded to nothing. Nada. Zip. Diddley-Squat.
During August, I feared I might have severed the link between myself and my spirituality. Since the end of June, I dedicated myself to learning my lines for a theatrical performance. In August, I did the same with another, both of them are now finished and performed. Having embraced my acting self as my Bardic self, I have sought to regain and discover new skills for being the actor I want to be. As well as discovering the actor I am turning into.
It would be wrong of me to say I ‘put my life on hold’ because of the two plays. Sure, I became less socially active and my days off were dedicated to line learning as were my evenings after work and then there were rehearsals.
Performance is a discipline. It is hours of line learning, practicing the mannerisms of another person, working with the energy levels of your colleagues so the show does not lag. Remembering where to be in the right place at the right time, thinking within a split second of a replacement word if you end up forgetting the correct one and doing all of this with a huge adrenaline rush once you are doing it. To do that and more requires focus and discipline in yourself.
And so, I threw myself into this creative path. To me, it feels so right to do so. It has stoked my inner fires and is my main focus. Where I may not be performing my Bardic Rituals everyday (the last was before I moved house in June) I have come to understand this, at the moment, is not what I need in my life right now.
I still light my candles to my deities, ancestors and the spirits around me. I still honour the seasons that pass and celebrate them; I still give offerings and have even done a little research into Japanese Fox spirits. I have discovered my spirituality is in who I am, not just what I do. This has also allowed me to view my spirituality, my beliefs and my self objectively. And in this I have learned much, including belief in myself.
But for the time being, I will post when I can with what I can give.
After all, if one’s spirituality is only defined by one’s work with ritual, then what is ritual if not a performance?